Am I having enough sex?

It’s a question everyone asks themselves at some point in their lives. Should I be having sex in my relationship once a week, three times per week, once a month, every single day? How much is enough?

Being physically intimate is very often an integral part of relationship satisfaction. It helps you feel close to your partner, builds connection, and can assist in maintaining long-term romantic relationships. But, let’s get real here, sex isn’t the be-all and end-all of a healthy relationship.

We’ve all spent time comparing our relationships to those we see around us. So really, is there ever such thing as enough sex? Or are we just setting ourselves impossible standards in our relationships?

So, let’s dive into it…

What feels good for you?

Everyone’s sex drive is different. Not only that, but our sex drives evolve as we go through different phases in our lives. As long as no one in the relationship is feeling either pressured or underwhelmed then there’s nothing to worry about. For one couple, sex every single day might be standard. For others, sex once a week maybe a good run that month! Other couples may prefer to have sex every few weeks. What matters is what works for you.

This brings about the question:

What do I do if I want more sex than my partner?

Your sex life, and what that entails, must be a decision made together with those that are involved in it. A healthy relationship isn’t built upon one person laying down the rules. Everyone’s needs and the needs of the relationship as a whole should be considered. There should be communication, understanding and compromise.

Discuss with your partner(s) what you want, hear what they want and see if you can meet somewhere in the middle.

Quality or quantity?

If you’re sexually active, then good sex is better than frequent sex, isn’t it? The quality of the sex you’re having is so much more important than the quantity. Would you rather have sex three times a day with no pleasure, or mind-blowing sex once a month?

Instead of holding yourselves to unrealistic, boring numbers game, think about the pleasure you want in your relationship rather than just the getting it in and moving on with your day. Why not suggest to your partner that you try some mutual masturbation? Or possibly introduce some toy play to bring your sexual encounters to the next level.

Sexual wellness is completely subjective

There is no one size fits all approach when it comes to sexual wellness. What is good for the herd is not always good for the individual couple. Us humans like to project a finite value to the area of our lives we’re unsure about. It saves us from having to put the work into self-exploring and figuring out what our needs actually are. Many people don’t know how to talk about sex and use these sex ‘rules’ to avoid uncomfortable conversations with their partners. We need to start sitting ourselves down, figuring out what we really want, and communicating that with our partners.

Maintenance sex, a key ingredient for healthy relationships

Many couples can get stuck in a rut (it’s so easy for life to get in the way!) and they get to a stage where they went from having sex weekly to having sex once a month, and even that feels like a chore! So, why not schedule it? Sex isn’t always spontaneous like it was when you were in the first few months of passion. The amount of sex you have is completely subjective, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important. Scheduling sex may not sound like the sexiest thing you’ve ever done, but it is an integral part of many healthy relationships. It’s unrealistic to put numbers on what is “normal,” but it’s also unfair to pretend sex isn’t a vital part of maintaining romantic attachment for many people out there.

So, it’s time to get reflecting on what you really need when it comes to sex in your relationship and decide on how best to communicate that to your partner.